Monday, 17 October 2016

Why I Had To Leave My Job...

I've always been honest on my blog but for the last month or so I've felt like I've been keeping a secret and not being totally myself. From my very first blog post, I have always done regular update posts on just life really, whether that's to do with moving, getting a job or leaving uni, I've always wrote about it, just because one day I will read back on all of these posts and I want to remember everything. I've always treated it a bit like a diary and a place for me to say whatever I want, and document the good and the bad.

Last June I published this post, telling everyone how happy I was I had finally got a job after looking for so long. I'm embarrassed by that blog post now because I was convinced it was going to the best thing ever and was going to change everything, but now over a year later, I've ended up leaving that job. I don't really know where to start with it all but for the first 6 months or so I was really happy there, I could see myself working there for years and years. I've never really been much of a 'career' person, just wanted a steady job that paid the bills and allowed us to do some of the things we had been thinking about and planning for literally years, and that job was going to be it for me. Things had been going so well up until around February this year, things just seemed to change. It became quite clear I didn't fit in and even though I was good at my job, it seemed like you had to be very social and a drinker to ultimately be part of the team. At first because I was new people didn't really know me that well and I wasn't invited out and that was fine with me. But eventually I did start getting asked to go for a drink or for a night out and I always said no, for a number of reasons. I've always been honest about mental health and my anxiety on my blog and I was always honest about it with work so I don't really know why they were so surprised when I didn't want to go out with a load of people I hadn't spoken to before. It wasn't just that, I was an apprentice so was on a lot less money than the rest of them, a lot of them also lived at home too or were in a better financial position than me so really they had that spare money and I didn't. It wasn't that I had no money, I just had other priorities.

I started to realise in my last few months just how isolated I was in my team, it seemed like everyone else got on really well and were good friends and I was just the quiet one who didn't ever go for a drink. If they had asked me why I said no, I'd like to think they'd understand but to be honest they probably wouldn't have cared. Not only was there the whole social side of it, I really felt like my hard work was just taken for granted and I was seen as a bit of a pushover who would just do anything given to me. It became clear that I would always be the one in the team who just had to do as they were told while others could get away with anything. 

Most days I would be trying to cope with my apprentice work, covering reception and doing general admin tasks while others sat on their phones all day or went for extra breaks, I can't even tell you how many days I would sit there trying not to cry or trying to hold in how angry I was, it was just a complete joke. It's not even like I was getting a thank you or any sort of appreciation from anyone for picking up this extra work. and of course those who were doing nothing, got a thank you for every little piece of work they did and it was so clear who was valued in the team regardless of what they did wrong. This isn't me bigging myself up or anything but I worked so hard, and people just didn't care. I was due some annual leave in July which I was so ready for but after that I just couldn't go back. I ended up at the Drs and I was signed off work. I had hoped work would be understanding, especially as they already knew about my anxiety but I was just pressured into going back and that was only making me worse. I told them my reasons for being off sick and gave them so many details about things that had been going on but to be honest they were awful and just didn't want to know. I don't know if they didn't believe me or if they just don't understand mental health but I was made to feel as though I had done something wrong or that I was a liar. Things got worse over time it resulted in me handing in my notice. Overall I was signed off work for about 3 months, I never went back after my annual leave in July and Friday would have been my last day there. So as of today I officially don't have a job and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I already feel so much happier knowing I'm out of there.

I am so disappointed it turned out like this as at first it seemed so perfect for me but they were making me ill, making my anxiety so much worse and I wasn't going to settle for a job where I was treated like that. I do feel sometimes feel maybe I'm the problem, I couldn't settle at uni and now after looking for so long, I've gone and quit the only job I've had. I'm not sure what it is with me, why things can't just go well for more than a few months but I like to think that one day it will all work itself out. I'll be looking for work part time and I'm hoping it won't take me too long to find something but for now I'm putting all my focus into my blog. I've been doing really well with it, I'm so proud of some of my latest blog posts and some that are yet to be published. I'm also so thankful to have worked with some great companies and hopefully this will continue!

I'm still staying positive, I'm not sure how after everything that has happened over the last few years, nothing has been straightforward but I have to otherwise what's the point. I've got a lovely little flat, exciting things planned and we're really happy, so whatever happens, happens.

I know this is such a long post and a lot of people probably won't care about this but it was important for me to talk about it and have my say, even if no one sees it. It is a shame how it worked out but it wasn't right how I was made to feel.

Similar Post - Why Being A Nurse Wasn't For Me.

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20 comments

Unknown said...

It's so important to feel valued when you are at work. Life can be so tiresome and lonely if you're not and eventually you will want to stop working so hard to make someone else money. It's normal. Don't feel embarrassed, you just didn't find your place there but at least your tried. Good luck with everything that comes next x x x

Unknown said...

I DEFINATELY care about this post. I feel ya girl!!! I fell in love with my job when I first started it and now I'm starting to hate everything about it. I think it's time I start looking for a new job too. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this :) xx

Chloe

everythingcoco.co.uk

Unknown said...

Look at this as great experience. I feel like working is a weird sort of thing, and the more jobs you work in, the more you will build up experience and know what works best for you and what environment is more suited to who you are- you'll find that soon enough! Good luck lovely. X

Tiffany Timms said...

That's so true. Thank you that means a lot, hopefully I'll find something else soon! xxx

Tiffany Timms said...

Aww thank you, no one should be so unhappy at work, I hope you find something else that you love! xx

Tiffany Timms said...

That's so true, it's all experience and hopefully it will all help me find something else in the future! Thank you so much xx

Kayleigh Zara said...

It's awful to feel left out at work, when I started my current job I felt the same because everyone drunk together and I did but now I'm more involved in the group they understand I don't drink and are nice about it! But like becca said you should use this as experience, onwards and upwards X

Jen said...

Girl- I'm proud that you upped and left. You knew it wasn't right for you. You don't deserve to be isolated like that, and glad you recognized it! Good luck!
XX
Jen
Beautylifemom.com

Jaye Rose said...

Good for you for leaving, so many people would have chugged along and stuck with it even though it made them unhappy and it would have just worn you down so much more then.

Life is too short to do something that makes you so unhappy. Am sure you'll find the right thing for you - I'm still looking!

Jaye

www.howtoalmostbeapornstar.com

Naomi Rowan said...

It is SO important to do what feels right for you, if you weren't happy in it you shouldn't stay in it. Either find a way to make it work, or get out and find something new! Life is too short to be stuck doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable or unvalued.

Unknown said...

So so proud of you xx

Tiffany Timms said...

It is, just didn't fit it in at all. That's lovely people at your work understand and are nice about it! :) x

Tiffany Timms said...

Thank you! xx

Tiffany Timms said...

So true, life is way too short to be unhappy, hopefully I'll find something even better soon! xx

Tiffany Timms said...

It really is so important, no one should be unhappy at work xx

Tiffany Timms said...

;) love you xx

lnthw said...

You're so strong for putting your mental health first. I don't think a lot of people can say that, but one day you will look back and know this was the right thing. No one deserves to be treated like that! Keep up the positivity! Xxx

Tiffany Timms said...

Aww thank you, it was a difficult decision but the right one :) xxx

Ellis said...

This post was so honest and open, I'm sorry you've had to go through this with your job :( I'm going through it now with mine and wondering when to take the plunge and make my Etsy shop my full time job :( maybe soon! x
www.elliswoolley.blogspot.com

Tiffany Timms said...

So sorry you're going through it too, it's awful isn't it. Good luck with your etsy shop! I hope you can make that your full time job, being happy at work is so important! xx

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