Wednesday, 19 October 2016

Why I Hate Having Social Anxiety...

I have always been quiet and shy, throughout school, college, uni, but over the last year or so it's become more than that and now more often than not I get anxious about going to certain places or seeing certain people. I just build things up in my head to be such a big deal when really it's nothing but sometimes it stops me doing a lot of things and I hate it. 
Source.
I can't be late and I have to plan - I know a lot of people probably don't like to be late for things, but for me I hate the thought of turning up even just a few minutes late for things, I like to leave the house well in advance. Even if it's just something as simple as going to the cinema, I still have to book tickets, plan what time we should leave that gives us enough time to get there and loads of other little, silly things. It's such a simple thing to do and we really don't live that far from the cinema but I still have to plan it otherwise I just panic. The cinema is actually a place that can actually really set my anxiety off even though I love going. Everything I've just mentioned really goes round and round in my head until i'm there and then I like to make sure I get to my seat in a good amount of time before the film starts. I like to sit in the corner most of the time aswell but I hate it when I walk in and there's already a line of people sat down because I know I've got to try and get past them and try not to stand on their feet or drop anything so that's something else that makes me anxious. I can't believe I've just wrote all that about the cinema but that is every single thought that goes through my head and it's just ridiculous that something so simple can be so difficult. 

I hate ordering my own food and talking to waiters - I love going for a meal but like the cinema, there are always things I worry about. I get George to do all the talking and I say as little as possible to any waiters that come to our table. I just get so anxious about making conversation and answering questions. I normally always have in mind what I want to drink as they normally ask that straight away and the majority of the time I'll have looked at the menu first online so I don't take too long picking while we're there. I get quite anxious about where we'll be sat at a restaurant, I like to be in a corner, against the wall or in a booth, I absolutely hate when they give you a crap seat in the middle of the restaurant for everyone to see. It puts me on edge the whole time we're there and to be honest completely stops me enjoying it. 

I imagine wherever I am a lot of people probably think I'm quite rude or not a nice person because I have a case of Resting Bitch Face. I just always look like I'm in a bad mood, there have been so many times when George has asked me what's wrong because I've looked mardy and I've been feeling fine, its just my face! So god knows what other people think about me. Especially because if we are having a meal or something like that, I make very little eye contact and I do probably just look rude. But to me I can't handle that small talk, I never know what to say and if I feel I've said something wrong or stupid it will be on my mind forever so I just try to do as little talking as possible!

I hate that my anxiety can cause me to feel the way I do sometimes, it can completely take the joy out of the nice things which I would normally enjoy. Some days are better than others but other days even just getting the tram somewhere makes me anxious. I'm finding different ways to cope with it and to try and overcome it but sometimes it feels like it will be like this forever. If you have social anxiety how do you cope with it? 


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2 comments

laura said...

I have no wise words on coping but damn, I 100% relate to this post! x

Tiffany Timms said...

I'm still trying to find ways to cope with it! I think so many people suffer with it and don't know how to overcome it x

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