Monday, 26 May 2014

A Little Life Update...

Everything is all over the place at the moment and I wanted to update you all on it, I'm not sure why but this blog is like a diary for me and sometimes I just need to talk about things!

Things do not seem to be going well at the moment and it's really getting me down. I feel like at the moment I am just stuck. I left uni last month as I hated it. I was in my first year studying to be a Children's nurse and for years I was set on doing that. Everything I did in school and college was geared towards me becoming a nurse. We moved to Leicester together and found a flat and both started at De Montfort. I really thought everything was going to be perfect but it just hasn't worked out that way. 

I think in a way I knew as soon as my course started that I wasn't going to enjoy it. I'm not sure why but I think a lot of things contributed to it. I didn't really make any friends, I spoke to people and usually had people to sit with but sometimes I felt like such a loner and now I don't really have anyone. I have a few friends in Sheffield who I went to school and College with who I stay in touch with but things aren't the same now I've moved and never see them and I really hoped I would have made some good friends for life at uni, but that didn't happen. The work was so hard, I knew it would be but until you're actually there you can't predict what it's going to be like. I know every other uni course involves exams and coursework but nursing is seriously full on and I had hardly any time for anything else and I just couldn't do it. I failed my first assignment and I thought I had done well. I tried so so hard and was so proud of what I did and I got horrible, and I mean horrible nasty feedback from a tutor and it just put me down. I felt like I just didn't have the drive any more. I thought I would carry on and see how my first placement was and I wish I hadn't. I started in January and did a few shifts and on the way there and on the way back I would just cry. I hated it. I should have loved it and I should have loved being with the children but I wasn't allowed to spend any time with them or actually care for them and that was the reason I wanted to do the job in the first place. It just wasn't how I thought it would be or how they made it out to be. It's such a shame but that's just how its all worked out. I'm sure I'll do a full post explaining a bit more one day but for now I'll just leave it at that.
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