Friday, 11 July 2014

Why Being A Nurse Wasn't For Me...

I've wanted to do this post for a long time but haven't really known what to say or where to start. I think I'm just going to type and see what I end up with but basically it's about why I decided to leave uni and why unfortunately being a nurse just wasn't for me.
For years I had planned to become a nurse. I can't think of anything else I really imagined myself doing, for a few years I wanted to be a midwife and then I decided Children's Nursing was probably going to be for me. I love children and can't wait to have my own so I thought this would be a really good career choice for someone like me, caring for people everyday and looking after kids when they need it the most.  

When it came to choosing my GCSE options in secondary school I decided I wanted to do subjects that would help me get into nursing so I chose science ones and I really wish I hadn't. I did well in my GCSE's and got more than I needed for college. I then started college and completed a Health and Social Care BTEC but now looking back I wish I had chosen things that didn't lean so much to one career. I love cooking and baking so a food tech course, which they did do, would have been great, but at the time it wasn't even in my head as I thought I had the job I wanted in mind already. 

I had interviews at three universities, Teeside, Central Lancashire and De Montfort. I knew the only place I wanted to be accepted was De Montfort in Leicester. This was where me and George knew we could get accommodation together, his course would be here as he was accepted and it generally looked like a great place for nursing. I did get accepted and we moved at the beginning of September 2013. I was so excited not just because of the course but because it was a new start for us and our next chapter as a couple. 

I had my first lecture a few weeks later and I think I knew straight away that it just wasn't for me. Everyone else was making friends and meeting new people and I wasn't. I am really shy and even though I can talk to people, i'm not the sort of person to walk upto others and try and make friends. It was so uncomfortable and upsetting walking into a huge lecture theatre and being sat alone while everyone else had somebody. It was getting to the point where I didn't want to go anymore and I ended up missing quite a lot of lectures. I was falling behind and generally struggling with the work. There was an assignment due in after a few months of being there and I was sure I had done well, I put so much work into it and I was really proud with it being my first university piece but I failed. Not only that, my tutors feedback was just awful, he was about as rude as he possibly could be and he might aswell have just wrote shit all over it. I can't even put into words how little support you get, especially on my course anyway, or it could just be that specific uni. It is a very hard course and stressful, you need some sort of support from somebody but they didn't give any.

I was ready to give up after my assignment but I knew I had my first placement January and I thought that would show me exactly why I wanted to do the course in the first place. With me being so shy, this was something I was stressing about and I was really scared about meeting the other nurses and I was constantly worried about doing something wrong, as a nurse you can't really get anything wrong! I was with two other students on my course and they seemed to fit in really well. I was again the one who was left alone, or didn't get spoken too, despite my genuine efforts. I did 2 day shifts, one early and one night shift and that was it. I was actually supposed to do about 9 weeks but I couldn't do it. During my first shifts I had to keep going to the bathroom because I was so upset, the way the nurses spoke to me sometimes was just like I was a child and everytime I actually tried to do something it was wrong or I was in the way and if I was just chatting to one the kids like a nurse should, that would be wrong too. I ended up crying on my way to the shifts and on the way home and I knew I wasn't going back. It was making me ill, I was constantly stressed and upset, it was making me feel sick, giving me headaches and I couldn't sleep. I hated the thought of going to sleep knowing I'd be going back there.

The reason I got into nursing was to care for people and at the hospital I was at, that isn't what it is about. A lot of the time the nurses would be sat around not doing much or gossiping in the office, but whenever I was sat down or sat with a child I was in the wrong. To me, if I am sat with a child who is in a hospital I am not doing anything wrong. I would sit with boys and girls, talking to them about normal things, taking their mind of being in hospital. But when I did that I was looked down on because that isn't what the rest of them did. They weren't doing the caring bit, to me, that is the most important. Yes, you have to give medication, do observations and all the actual medical stuff but you can also sit with them for 5 minutes, have a chat and ask if they are ok. Imagine how scary it is for them to be in a hospital without their family there, especially at night. The nurses I worked with didn't care. 

There was no way I was going through 3 years of that to do a job where I can't even look after people. It was nothing like I thought it would be.

I honestly thought I was going to love being a nurse, I had been set on it for so many years and it is really upsetting that I won't actually end up doing that now but I know I made the right decision. I had to really think about it but I knew if I stayed I wouldn't be happy. Maybe if uni offered a bit more support I would have stayed, or maybe even if I had just ended up on a different ward things could have been completely different. I only had George to talk to about it too, he completely supported my decision to leave and was fine whatever I chose but my family weren't very supportive so I felt like I was on my own a lot of the time. I won't know now if anything could have changed it but life is definitely too short to waste it and I would rather spend my time on something I love and I know it was the right decision.

Just because nursing wasn't for me doesn't mean that it won't be for you, if you want to be a nurse or you're currently training. Everybody is different and some people would love it. I just hope now I can find something that really makes me happy because nursing didn't.
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Unknown said...

I love you a lot x

MarvelSteph said...

I'm so sorry you were treated badly through your course. Tutors are there to help, not bring you down. I struggled making friends at uni too. But you have to go with your gut and keep trying to do what makes you happy. I know you'll get there! : )
Steph x. Hello, Steph Blog

Tiffany Timms said...

Aww thank you, that's so lovely of you :) xx

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